Sunday, September 18, 2011
What in the hell am I doing?
People who know me are probably thinking, "Jenn's starting a blog because she can't be left out and EVERYONE has a blog but her." Well, not everyone........................... but Barb does.
But that's really not the reason.
This is ONE MORE attempt at dieting. Or a "lifestyle change". Or trying to make myself healthier. Doesn't really matter what you call it, it's an attempt to try to stop carrying 100 extra pounds of baggage around with me everywhere.
When I type the word baggage, I'm very aware that THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL that I would EVER carry anything remotely that heavy. I won't even bring the cat litter into the house. I wait for someone to carry it for me. But this, these pounds, I've carried for 26 years. Nearly half my life. And it's not like I haven't tried to let them go. Let's see.... I've tried...
* Weight Watchers (maybe 30 times - sometimes only for one day)
* Optifast (where, by not eating ANY food for 3 months, I lost over 50 pounds - but soon found them)
* Jenny Craig (at least 5 times)
* Fen-phen (the diet pills where I lost no weight but did gain a heart murmur and won $11,000 in a class action suit)
* Topomax (a pill that made me not eat as much but unable to retrieve words and finish
* my Capri diet last Spring where I decided that every day that I wore capris, I couldn't eat bread, cheese, or ketchup
* Weigh Down
* paying for years of Curves memberships but never going
* Richard Simmons Dial-A-Meal
* Reading "Woman's World" and "First" magazines and pretending that just reading the articles was enough to magically lose the weight
* the Prayer Diet (a great book but doesn't do a lot when it just sits on my bedside table). And, besides, it belongs to Cindy.
* Overeaters' Anonymous
Oh my God, I could go on and on. I'm sure I've left stuff out. All the contracts with myself, promises to myself, lists of what to eat and not eat, running down the block after dark (that's as far as I can get), water aerobics, drinking 10 glasses of water a day, making myself gulp down vinegar, eating hundreds of thousands of Lean Cuisines (not all at once), AD NAUSEAM!
So, in order to be transparent and keep up my long history of having no boundaries, plus with hope to make myself accountable to my friends, I've decided to start this blog.
Tomorrow, I'm going to write the history of my weight problems. And I'm gonna tell the truth for once.