Sunday, September 18, 2011

What in the hell am I doing?



People who know me are probably thinking, "Jenn's starting a blog because she can't be left out and EVERYONE has a blog but her." Well, not everyone........................... but Barb does.

But that's really not the reason.

This is ONE MORE attempt at dieting. Or a "lifestyle change". Or trying to make myself healthier. Doesn't really matter what you call it, it's an attempt to try to stop carrying 100 extra pounds of baggage around with me everywhere.

When I type the word baggage, I'm very aware that THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL that I would EVER carry anything remotely that heavy. I won't even bring the cat litter into the house. I wait for someone to carry it for me. But this, these pounds, I've carried for 26 years. Nearly half my life. And it's not like I haven't tried to let them go. Let's see.... I've tried...

* Weight Watchers (maybe 30 times - sometimes only for one day)
* Optifast (where, by not eating ANY food for 3 months, I lost over 50 pounds - but soon found them)
* NutriSystem
* Jenny Craig (at least 5 times)
* Fen-phen (the diet pills where I lost no weight but did gain a heart murmur and won $11,000 in a class action suit)
* Topomax (a pill that made me not eat as much but unable to retrieve words and finish
sentences)
* my Capri diet last Spring where I decided that every day that I wore capris, I couldn't eat bread, cheese, or ketchup
* Weigh Down
* TOPS
* paying for years of Curves memberships but never going
* Richard Simmons Dial-A-Meal
* Reading "Woman's World" and "First" magazines and pretending that just reading the articles was enough to magically lose the weight
* the Prayer Diet (a great book but doesn't do a lot when it just sits on my bedside table). And, besides, it belongs to Cindy.
* Overeaters' Anonymous

Oh my God, I could go on and on. I'm sure I've left stuff out. All the contracts with myself, promises to myself, lists of what to eat and not eat, running down the block after dark (that's as far as I can get), water aerobics, drinking 10 glasses of water a day, making myself gulp down vinegar, eating hundreds of thousands of Lean Cuisines (not all at once), AD NAUSEAM!

So, in order to be transparent and keep up my long history of having no boundaries, plus with hope to make myself accountable to my friends, I've decided to start this blog.

Tomorrow, I'm going to write the history of my weight problems. And I'm gonna tell the truth for once.

Love you,
Jenn

6 comments:

  1. Wow! I am so proud of you! And with you every step of the way! Love you...

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  2. omg, your list of diets.... I've done quite a few of those myself! Let's see, there was some crazy "eat a salad as big as your head" diet my mom put me on when I was 9, then something about grapefruit, weight watchers, that semester in college when I only ate sunflower seeds for about 6 weeks (didn't lose weight but did great things for my bowels).

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  3. But not the cabbage soup diet, Geneen Roth's Feeding the Hungry Heart deal, eating only from whole Foods or bulimia???? You may have done more crazy things, but I'm surprised I've tried some you haven't. :)Oh, also a blood type "cleanse" where I drank clay every morning....I love that you have a blog, by the way!

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  4. So extremely proud of you! My list includes many of yours and once I even ordered pincher things to stick in my ears. Ugh, the money we have all spent and the hope that fades so quickly. Here's to you and your journey from this day forward. March into a thinner, healthier you for we all love you and want you around for those old days when we will still be chillin' at the pool and Sonic (for diet drinks only).

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  5. So Jen, this touches me!

    I have not attempted such a broad variety of weight loss tactics, nor have I taken Fen Phen, though I considered it. Despite those facts, what you have written definitely sounds a chord for me.

    I have tried exercising to the extreme. Ten years ago, I developed plantar fasciitis while I was hiking 30-50 miles a week trying to lose weight.

    Last year, I blew out my knee trying to train for a marathon, which is far more distance than anyone who is nearing forty years old and who is 100 lbs overweight should run.

    I have tried eating nothing but salad until several days into my diet, I almost blacked out from low blood sugar. I have tried to convince myself that I simply need to have balance. I have tried to stop eating when I'm satisfied. I have counted calories, I have counted points, I have become vegetarian, I have tried protein intensive diets.

    The problem is that at some point, I lose all perspective, I begin to eat like there is no tomorrow. Jen, I too am sick of being fat, but I don't have even a bit of faith that I'll ever lose enough weight to be healthy. There are times, when my reason switches off and I can't prevent myself from having a second or third helping of food (sometimes it is really good food and other times it may not be so good).

    There are occasions, when I am unable to avoid making a pit-stop at a convenience store and acquiring a few candy bars.

    Sometimes I consume a bag of cashews equaling the caloric intake I should have for a whole day and on other occasions I sit down for a snack and suddenly realize that I've ingested a half bag of tortilla chips.

    I hope you find a solution Jen and I wish that I had something useful to pass on. I'm proud of you for starting this blog. I would never have considered that, I am too embarrassed by my complete lack of control over how much I eat.

    I'll follow your blog!

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  6. I am struggling with my weight and blood sugars. And have been noticing that when I am stressed I eat.. And eat like crap.... Needless to say its,been crappy here recently.. :)
    I, love you the way you are but would like to keep you around.. I go back on my deit tomorroe yoy follow my blog . I will follow yours :)

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