Sunday, October 23, 2011

Acting Like An Animal

Oh, I would like to write something humorous and entertaining but it's just not in me. So I just have to go with the truth. Sometimes talking about the truth is boring. Please bear with me.

I don't want to get so obsessed with this that I screw it up. I discovered a Droid app on my phone called 'My Fitness'. I can log all my food, water, and exercise. I've been religiously logging my food in for the past three days. I would be logging in exercise if I was actually getting some. (Even I won't stoop to logging in something I didn't really do.)

I am worried about my tendency to go from one end of the continuum to the other in the blink of an eye. I sometimes act like a pea shot out of a slingshot. If I get too bogged down in logging in everything I eat and drink, I may chuck it all and be in a total binge before I even know what I'm doing.

The unconsciousness.
The lack of thought.

I'm scared of that right now.

Today, I got too hungry. I'd reached the point of the shakes. I had Subway for lunch and water on my drive back from Albuquerque. By the time I got to Barb's for a bowl of beans, I was STARVING. I ate two cups of Barb's delicious green chili pinto beans - after logging it in to my phone. Luckily, I just ate beans. I could easily pass on the bread.

But this is how on-the-edge-out-of-control-unconsciously-eating I was:

I STUFFED them in.
My nose started running because of the beans' wonderful spiciness.
I wiped it ON MY SHIRT.
IN FRONT OF BARB.
Barb said, "get up and get a tissue".
I said, "No, that's OK."
And then proceeded to repeatedly wipe my nose on my hands.

Gross. Out of control. Animalistic. That's how it felt.
And it was all because of a need to stuff my face.

In hindsight, I was so close to the edge of a binge.

Tonight's mantra...
middle of the road, jenny
middle of the road, jenny
middle of the road, jenny

1 comment:

  1. logging is good all the research says so. but blogging has been a tool that is getting you conscious about your food without overfocus. you have logged everything in the past consider how that worked for you. nibbling along the way is right. you are right. you can't let yourself get ravenous. ravenous is a good animal word don't you think? don't forget to keep praying about this too. you don't have to walk through this journey alone or even with all your blog partners. love you jenn. you can wipe your nose anytime in front of me. no worries!

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