I've got to STAY ALERT!
And I'm not talking about nodding off. I'm talking about unconscious eating.
Well, I guess that is kind of nodding off, food-wise.
Y'all all know that this week is a "DANGER, WILL ROBINSON" week for me. I don't have all my chicks in the nest. Or ducks in a row. Or children within my motherly reach. I'm fighting sad memories.
TODAY I ATE HOT CHEETOS
Really, I was quite proud of myself because I only ate a few - 21 to be exact. But it was an example of how I ....... fuck up.
I had a "girls' group" for some 7th graders at lunch time, forgot to take my lunch to the group room, and CAME OUT OF A BLACKOUT TO FIND MYSELF PUTTING CHEETOS IN MY MOUTH!
No really, they were there. The girls were eating them. So I did, too.
But this is what I did that was smart. I talked to the girls about it (I mean it IS a therapy group)! I asked them to keep them away from me - after the 21 - and told them I was on a diet.
They were so cute.... saying "Ms. Neil, you're not fat! You don't need to lose weight!"
Ahhh, warms my heart even though I know it's bullshit.
By talking to the girls, I
* Stayed present
* Reminded myself of my goals
* Made them my accountability partners
* Asked for what I needed
And possibly, served as a good role model for them?
I think I did some other smart things today. I logged all my calories on my new-best-friend, My Fitness Pal. At the end of the school day, I realized I only had 350 calories left. So, I took my cat to the vet, went by Subway and got a 6-inch turkey and cheese, came home, put my jammies on, and locked myself in for the night.
I do not overeat at my house - unless I get into the wine.
So, all in all, I'm pretty durn proud of myself. This morning, I weighed 232. I don't remember the last time I weighed that.
And, in spite of hot cheetos, I may weigh the same tomorrow.