Wednesday, October 26, 2011


I've got to STAY ALERT!

And I'm not talking about nodding off. I'm talking about unconscious eating.

Well, I guess that is kind of nodding off, food-wise.

Y'all all know that this week is a "DANGER, WILL ROBINSON" week for me. I don't have all my chicks in the nest. Or ducks in a row. Or children within my motherly reach. I'm fighting sad memories.



Really, I was quite proud of myself because I only ate a few - 21 to be exact. But it was an example of how I ....... fuck up.

I had a "girls' group" for some 7th graders at lunch time, forgot to take my lunch to the group room, and CAME OUT OF A BLACKOUT TO FIND MYSELF PUTTING CHEETOS IN MY MOUTH!

No really, they were there. The girls were eating them. So I did, too.

But this is what I did that was smart. I talked to the girls about it (I mean it IS a therapy group)! I asked them to keep them away from me - after the 21 - and told them I was on a diet.

They were so cute.... saying "Ms. Neil, you're not fat! You don't need to lose weight!"

Ahhh, warms my heart even though I know it's bullshit.

By talking to the girls, I
* Stayed present
* Reminded myself of my goals
* Made them my accountability partners
* Asked for what I needed

And possibly, served as a good role model for them?

I think I did some other smart things today. I logged all my calories on my new-best-friend, My Fitness Pal. At the end of the school day, I realized I only had 350 calories left. So, I took my cat to the vet, went by Subway and got a 6-inch turkey and cheese, came home, put my jammies on, and locked myself in for the night.

I do not overeat at my house - unless I get into the wine.

So, all in all, I'm pretty durn proud of myself. This morning, I weighed 232. I don't remember the last time I weighed that.

And, in spite of hot cheetos, I may weigh the same tomorrow.

Love you,


  1. Realizing that hot cheetos are okay is when you will know you have arrived. Not eating the whole bag is the wonderful thing. A brownie is fine not a row of brownies or a pan of brownies. Enjoy your success here. You ate hot cheetos and you were aware. Pat yourself on your shrinking back with your much smaller arm.

    You will be below 230 soon and then the rejoicing begins!

  2. You go, girl! You should be SO proud of yourself!

  3. Hi Jenn. Thanks for the follow. Way to go on only have 21 cheetos. This is something I am just learning. There are no forbidden foods. Eating in moderation and being aware are really what will work. Great work!