Wednesday, October 12, 2011



I don't know what happened! Maybe it was blogging about being oppositional and defiant.

I went out with Barb, Ron, and Natalie to the Day of the Dead Art Show and dinner. First of all, I had two beers. Then, I had my usual DeColores dinner of a bowl of beans with green chili and ketchup. And three bowls of salsa. That was OK.

Then (here's the unconscious part), I had HALF of Natalie's veggie burger. The half that she was planning to take home and eat for lunch tomorrow. I ate it while she was waiting for the take-out box. AND..... I ate it while Natalie was in the bathroom!

I wasn't hungry. It just tasted so damn good.

I've been pretty good at reminding myself - when I want something really bad (like pizza) - that I can have it "later" - after I've lost weight.

You'd have thought there was NEVER going to be another veggie burger ever made in the world!

And I'd never even eaten a veggie burger until about a month ago. This was just the third time I'd tried eaten one.

The half of veggie burger, in and of itself, is not the problem. The problem is the fact that THIS COULD BE JUST THE BEGINNING.

I have to remember:
1. That's it's OK to screw up.
2. I can do something different that my usual response of "Oh, fuck it!"
3. I don't have to punish myself by giving up.
3. I can start again right now.

This... THIS EXACT EXPERIENCE.... is my #1 problem. This is what keeps me fat. THIS is why I'm blogging. To make it past these speed bumps in the road.

That's all it is - a speed bump. I don't have to wreck the damn car.

Think good thoughts - pray - send positive vibes. I need all the help I can get.

Thank you.


  1. Ah, but again - it's the AWARENESS that you did something that was working against yourself that makes the difference. That's the first step! You'll probably mess up MANY, MANY times before you get it right. But if you keep KNOWING that it's not helpful, then eventually you'll be able to stop yourself BEFORE it happens. So, keep up the good work and believe that eventually, things will improve - both mentally and physically.

    And, btw, this is why I like Weight Watchers - you can actually HAVE anything you love - you just have to account for it in points and then eat less of the things you SHOULD! I know it's probably not the best way to look at things, but it's really helpful for me.

    I heard the other day that a REALLY good way to start to lose weight is if you use your phone to take a photo of everything that goes in your mouth before you eat it! Again, it's accountability. How's that for an idea?

  2. I like that idea!! I'm going to do that tomorrow!

    I've had a fantasy that, if I knew what I was going to eat every day, I could mix it all up in a big bowl in the morning and then eat it through the day. I think I wouldn't want it then.