Sunday, December 4, 2011

I Lost Consciousness

My bad.

I wish I really had lost consciousness and passed out on the floor because then I couldn't have had chronic hand-to-mouth-ism.

I'm not sure what happened.... Today was the third day of Dianne's visit. I felt headachy and low energy, but about halfway through the day, I spontaneously decided to invite people over for a wine and cheese party so they could get to visit with Di. That meant I had to frantically clean my house.

At 4:30, I went to the grocery store to get cheese and crackers (and olives and marinated mushrooms and tomatoes and MORE Christmas lights). I stopped by Subway and ate, thinking that would keep me from eating when people were over.

But once people got to my house at 6:00, I got all hyped-up. I decided to make salsa with my new food processor that I had just taken out of the box.

Remember that I don't know how to make salsa. I know what's in it but not how much of anything. With four other people standing in my kitchen "supervising", I started cutting up tomatoes, garlic, bell peppers, cilantro, onion, and jalapenos and dumping them into the food processor.

It took three of us to even figure out how to make the food processor turn on. At one point, I was stuffing more veggies into the little "hole" but couldn't make them go all the way into the food processor. I finally figured out that I was stuffing them into the "food pusher" than you use to make the food go down into the processor.
I can't decide if I look like a domestic goddess in this picture, or if I look clueless. I'm betting on clueless.

I really was hyper. Frantic. It was like I have to have this experience of making this salsa and I have to have it now and, no, I don't need or want to read the directions and no, I don't need anyone to give me a recipe, I will just do it. Wheeze....

So, after I made the salsa, we all sat around a table piled with jalapeno cheese (and other kinds that I didn't try because I couldn't stop eating the jalapeno cheese), crackers, pretzel crackers, grapes, tomatoes, olives, mushrooms, salsa, and wine.

I really did have hand-to-mouth-ism. I think I ate the whole block of jalapeno cheese by myself.

I finally came out of my "emotional dead faint" and realized that I had to remove myself from the table. Which I did.

So, in the "after game replay and analysis", I'd say that these are the things I did wrong:
1. I got into a balloon frame of mind - deciding at the last minute to have the party, working myself up into a state of entertainment mania.
2. I had no plan to make the salsa at all tonight - that added to my mania.
3. Emotionally going to sleep/passing out - whatever I did that made me temporarily lose my way on my path of conscious eating - was a sign of not being calm and emotionally grounded (the only way I can stay on top of the eating).
4. I didn't use a plate. I put all these pretty little Christmas paper plates out for people to put food on but I was eating out of the cracker/cheese/veggie serving bowls. Using my fingers. I was back in caveman-eater mode.

Oooooh, that just sounds wrong! I really don't eat cavemen. It should be "eating-like-a-caveman" mode.

It was definitely being a balloon person kind of day. I stayed in the frantic, hyper mood throughout the evening. Even to the point of pouring out people's wine and washing the glasses before they were through. Dianne said, "Where's my wine? Did you already wash my glass?"

I mean, what was THAT deal? As Donna would say, I was being "Susie-fucking-homemaker" trying to clean up my kitchen.

OH, AND THAT REMINDS ME. In the middle of all this, Tyler and Marissa came home with a "cake pop maker" that Tyler had bought at K-Mart. They proceeded to make "cake balls" in the kitchen with all this other stuff going on.

So, YES, I WAS cleaning my kitchen.

Also in the middle of everything, the purse I ordered at last week's "purse party" got delivered so I had to immediately transfer everything from my old purse to my new purse. While entertaining. And stuffing my face.

What I did right:
1. Eating at Subway before people came over. I'm sure the damage would have been much worse if I hadn't.
2. "Coming to" and making myself move from the table.
3. Blogging about it.

Tomorrow is another day. Please.

Caveman-Eater Extraordinaire


  1. haven't gotten laid in a long time.

    eating a caveman might not be a bad idea!


  2. Oh! You made me snort, too! Hilarious!!