This morning, I weighed 223. A loss of twenty-one pounds.
But, by having a day of minimum planning and maximum impulsivity, I've ended the evening by being mad at myself rather than proud of myself.
First Problem: No groceries.
So, I took an orange to work for breakfast and, for lunch, I took.........
* a can of tomato soup
* a can of Ro-tel tomatoes
* a can of french-style green beans
.................with the bizarre plan of mixing them all together and eating it.
Even I couldn't stomach that, so I ended up buying a breakfast burrito from the school cafeteria for lunch.
I live in New Mexico - the hub of breakfast burritos. Let me tell you, the school cafeteria is not the best place to get one.
Second Problem: The grocery store.
Here is how I screw around with myself: I went to the grocery store primarily to get the ingredients to make chicken tortellini soup for our staff potluck on Thursday.
While at the grocery store, I decided that chicken tortellini soup was too hard so I'd just get frozen shrimp for the staff potluck.
While still at the grocery store, I decided that I didn't have room in my freezer for the shrimp...
So I left the grocery store with just crap for myself, including:
6 frozen dinners
4 "red velvet cake" yogurts
3 bags of frozen veggies
and a bottle of chipotle mustard
Sounds like "The Twelve Days Of Christmas", huh?
Third Problem: I didn't get what I was craving:
I left the grocery store and, with grocery bags in the car, went to meet my friend, Cathy, for dinner at a restaurant.
I'd been craving a sushi roll that I'D SWEAR was salmon, crab, and avocado last time I had it. Well, this time.... the closest I could find was salmon, CREAM CHEESE, and avocado. AND IT WAS FRIED. But that didn't stop me.
And after I finished all eight pieces, I had about a third of Cathy's "Kick-Ass Chicken Salad" - which is called "Kick-Ass" because it includes cranberries, sugared pecans, cheese, and a really yummy dressing.
Then I came home to my house that smells of dog poop that neither Tyler nor I have been able to find. Hidden dog poop is the worst.
Now I'm laying in my bed. Grumpy. Disappointed in myself. Whiny.
I wasn't going to blog but then I thought that was one step closer to not being accountable. And I do believe that accountability is one of the important keys of recovery. At least for me.
So here I am. And there you have it.
Thanks for being there.