Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Confession Is Good For The Soul. And It Better Be Good For The Motivator

I don't even have my laptop. I'm having to blog from my phone. I feel discombobulated and I can't even google to make sure that's spelled correctly.

This morning, I left work to take a friend of mine to the hospital for a breast biopsy. Its important for me to be able to do that because, when I had cancer, it was ONLY with the help of my friends that I got through it.

I went to work, rearranged all my clients, ate a small bag of pretzels for breakfast (my first mistake), left my carefully packed lunch and my laptop on my desk - and left to get my friend to the hospital by 10. Her surgery was scheduled for noon.

I told my boss that I'd be back by 1:45. I was obviously living in some alternative reality.

After anxiously laying in a pre-op bed for SIX hours, they finally came and got my friend at 4pm. I was frustrated for her, worried about her, tired of sitting on my butt in a hard chair, and HUNGRY!

And there was no way that I would have eaten even if I'd HAD food because my friend was hungry, too, and she COULDN'T eat.

So things were getting dicey on the diet front, you know?

At 5:00, Becky (bless her heart) brought me a chicken burrito, no cheese. Its really at least two meals because I swear its about four shredded chicken breasts wrapped in a flour tortilla. I inhaled it.

But, here's the kicker. About 6:45, Barb and I went to get my friend's medication prescription filled. While it was being filled, we went to Sonic.

A diet strawberry limeade didn't do it for me.

I called Tyler at the pizza place and asked him if they had any MISTAKES. You know, pizzas that were not made like they were ordered, etc.

I parked behind the pizza store and he brought one out to me. It was like making a drug deal.

It WAS a drug deal.

That's what I see now. Spending the day in the hospital with a friend waiting for a biopsy triggers a lot of stuff in me. Fear of loss, fear of sickness, fear about my own health, memories about my cancer experience, feelings about the vital importance of friendship...

I have to remember that I was once the person who couldn't go to the doctor's office with my own son because doctors and hospitals gave me such horrible paralyzing anxiety.

I spent the day in an uncomfortable situation. Not NEARLY as uncomfortable as my friend though. I am so worried about her. And so very grateful for my own health.

But tonight, I ate my feelings again. I DRUGGED my fear and anxiety and tired bottom with a pepperoni pizza that was NOT made to someone's specifications.

But, hell....
you know what?

I'm OK with it. It's not the end of the world.

My friendships are so worth it. My friends are so worth it.

And the primary emotion I feel right now is gratitude.

But I really wish I had my laptop,



  1. You did a good thing and that outweighs any other issue of the Tuck yourself in day....keep some fruit/or those little 100 calorie treats in your desk.

  2. Well, that was quite a day. I understand what you mean about friends getting you through a nasty illness, like cancer. If it wasn't for my family and friends I probably would not have made it. I hope you friend is ok.


    1. Sarah, I enjoy your blog. And I LOVE the title. It's my kind of title!
      Did you have an illness that your family and friends helped you through?

  3. You're a sweet creature (and funny.) The world needs more like you.

    1. Thanks, SW! I read your blog but there is no way to comment!

    2. Oh cool, thanks for reading it! I don't get how tumblr works :)

  4. You didn't even eat the pizza. Even in this you used self control. I am amazed by you.

  5. I did eat one piece of it and then the pepperoni and the cheese off the rest. I just didn't eat the crust. You're the one who was able to totally not eat it, Barb!

  6. I am sorry about the laptop and cancer ... I know exactly how it is like to suffer from such a serious disease ... my daughter (14) ha suffered from an ischemic stroke which could have left her paralytic ... but it all gets perfect in the end :) ... Love your blog :D

  7. Wow. I can't beleive you typed that whole post on a PHONE! That's talent...and determination.

    Friends are worth sacrifice, that's for sure. I'm not sure you ate the pizza for your friend, tho. Although, I could be wrong...

    Food addiction is TOUGH. I knkow. You read my blog, so you know there's proof that I know. :}

    Hugs and hang in there. Prayers went up for your friend, too.