Friday, January 6, 2012

Pensive About Bovine Hyperboles

Hah! Not really....

I am feeling pensive. But before I typed that, I googled "pensive" to make sure I knew what it meant. I'm not trusting my understanding of the English language recently. It's not my first language, you know. My first language is Texan.

But, I truly did look up "pensive" because, in the last week, I have publicly said that bovine had to do with pigs and I have embarrassingly pronounced hyperbole with three syllables!

I really don't trust myself.

The definition of "pensive" is
expressing or revealing thoughtfulness, usually marked by some sadness

I am not a pensive person. I don't like it. I'd rather be doing, being, talking, eating, driving, laughing, sleeping, reading, facebooking, blogging, peeing, watching - any "ing" word - than pensive.

Pensive is sad. It reminds me of my childhood. It reminds me of loneliness.

But, I am taking care of myself. I've been to Subway and now it's 7pm and the dogs and I are in bed with the computer, a book, the tv, and two dog toys. On a FRIDAY NIGHT. (eyeroll)
Mo and Rocky the Raccoon.

Last night's Bloody Marys/salsa/beans/flour tortilla made me...

SIX

POUNDS

HEAVIER


...this morning.

Yep, but blogging (and your supportive comments) helped me stay out of the "Well, Screw It" place. Thank you.

223.5 makes me pensive. The fact that, for people who are or have been obese, the risk of gaining is always R.I.G.H.T. T.H.E.R.E.

Vigilance is so important. And that goes against my natural state of unconscious oblivion. Talk about the need for relearning and retraining.....

There are other things that are adding to my pensiveness.

As many of you know, I am an on-again/off-again empty nester. My son moved out again during the holidays and my daughter left for her second semester of college today.

I am alone. A state that many of you crave. I hate it.

But, at fifty-seven, I'm learning how to do it. I'm learning that it doesn't have to be scary like it felt as a child. I'm relearning the fact that, if I'm lonely, I can reach out to someone who has got worse problems that me.

It's ME, because of my history, that uses the words alone and lonely interchangeably. That's not how they are in the dictionary. Believe me, I checked.

But, what is an extroverted, divorced, single parent, noncrafty, empty nester, financially INsecure, overweight, not into man-chasing, small town woman to do if she gets 99% of her emotional needs met through being out and about with people???

She blogs....
She visits her friend in the hospital....
She volunteers for the community theater....
She reads....
She facebooks....
She watches Sons Of Anarchy and Grey's Anatomy....
She texts her friends....
She learns....
She survives....
She grows up....
She thrives....

I can do it. I AM doing it.

And, you know, I STILL say only three syllables in my head when I look at the word hyperbole....

4 comments:

  1. When people crave or desire to be alone, it is normally because the person they are with does not fore-fill them. I would rather be alone than be with someone who does not fill me with joy at walking up each and ever morning next to them.

    "who has got worse problems that me"

    This is something that pops into my head every time I get depressed or just miserable.. and I think about a news story or some other information I heard about someone else. I once watched an Oprah show about a story where a woman went for a morning run and came back to find her 4 children murdered by her ex.

    Sorry to post a horrid image on your blog, but when I put my pitiful issues into perspective, mine feel pathetically minor and I pull my big boy pants up and get over it.

    That is not to say your issues are minor, but sometimes we need to put things into perspective to realize we actually have things pretty good. I have been to Africa, I have been to rural area of Russia, how can I possible, for even 1 second, take pity on myself for how I feel.

    From all I have read, you are doing great. You will survive and you will achieve your goals.

    Oh and the Americanism that makes me laugh every time is the number of syllables that ya'll put into vehicle... ve-hic-cle ..

    I'd like to be 19 again :)

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  2. Bzybee, how do you say vehicle? Don't you put three syllables in it?

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  3. Nope :) Veh-cle and you can hardly tell there are two syllables.

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  4. I think I put three syllables in vehicle. Let's see - ve-hic-cle. Yes, I do and I am from Arizona. I also like to say, y'all, which I picked up when living in Kentucky for a couple years. I teach English so I drive myself CRAZY with these things and constantly question myself.

    I love your post, Jennifer. I feel it would be difficult to be alone, but I have been married for 19 years and have a teenage son. There are times when I really want hubby to disappear for a short time, however! Either way, I hope I would handle it as well as you are. Putting a little humor into any situation helps, doesn't it?

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