Tomorrow is the first day of Lent. I'm no longer a practicing Episcopalian. I'm not a practicing anything.
In the last year, I've been to the Episcopal Church, the Assemblies of God Church, the Lutheran Church, and the Unitarian Church. I've repeatedly planned to go to the Unity Church but haven't ever made it because it's in Santa Fe and I don't seem to be able to get there before the service starts.
I believe in God. That's all I know. I don't know what else I believe. I'm open to the idea of Jesus, Buddha, and lots of other stuff. But all I know for sure is that I believe in a higher consciousness, a higher power - that I choose to call God.
My Southern Baptist upbringing says "YOU'RE GOING TO GO TO HELL FOR BLOGGING THAT!"
But... I'm not really blogging about this to open a religious can of worms....
I want to talk about Lent.
As an Episcopalian, I always gave up something for Lent to show that God was more important to me than things in the material world. I don't know if that's the real purpose of Lent, but it's how I viewed it.
Today, I was thinking about Lent.
My first thought was "I should give up Facebook". And, you know what? I decided against it.
I DECIDED AGAINST IT!
What does that say about me and my priorities?
Then I thought I'd give up ketchup. And cheese. And alcohol. All together.
But... I'm very aware that if I'm not willing to give up the first thing that came to my mind - and therefore something that is important to me - why give up anything at all?
It doesn't sound very good to say
"I gave up something of medium importance for God".
"I gave up my fourth favorite thing to do for God."
"I gave up my second favorite food for God."
But that's what ketchup and cheese and alcohol feels like.
I really need to process this. (That's therapist talk for obsessively ruminate about it in my head.)
I'm not really liking myself a whole lot right at the moment.