Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Another Level Of Honesty

Tomorrow is the first day of Lent. I'm no longer a practicing Episcopalian. I'm not a practicing anything.

In the last year, I've been to the Episcopal Church, the Assemblies of God Church, the Lutheran Church, and the Unitarian Church. I've repeatedly planned to go to the Unity Church but haven't ever made it because it's in Santa Fe and I don't seem to be able to get there before the service starts.

I believe in God. That's all I know. I don't know what else I believe. I'm open to the idea of Jesus, Buddha, and lots of other stuff. But all I know for sure is that I believe in a higher consciousness, a higher power - that I choose to call God.

My Southern Baptist upbringing says "YOU'RE GOING TO GO TO HELL FOR BLOGGING THAT!"

But... I'm not really blogging about this to open a religious can of worms....

I want to talk about Lent.

As an Episcopalian, I always gave up something for Lent to show that God was more important to me than things in the material world. I don't know if that's the real purpose of Lent, but it's how I viewed it.

Today, I was thinking about Lent.

My first thought was "I should give up Facebook". And, you know what? I decided against it.

I DECIDED AGAINST IT!

What does that say about me and my priorities?

Then I thought I'd give up ketchup. And cheese. And alcohol. All together.

But... I'm very aware that if I'm not willing to give up the first thing that came to my mind - and therefore something that is important to me - why give up anything at all?

It doesn't sound very good to say
"I gave up something of medium importance for God".
"I gave up my fourth favorite thing to do for God."
"I gave up my second favorite food for God."


But that's what ketchup and cheese and alcohol feels like.

I really need to process this. (That's therapist talk for obsessively ruminate about it in my head.)

I'm not really liking myself a whole lot right at the moment.

Love,
I-need-to-get-my-head-out-of-my-butt-Jenny

2 comments:

  1. Hi Jenn!!

    I'm non practising, but every year try and give something up for lent - it doesnt have to be your favourite thing, it just has to be something that you will miss. Giving up facebook is kinda different from ketchup and cheese - its shrinking your circle of friends probably, and making it harder to communicate with friends and family that might not be right next door.

    I have given up all the 'c's - Crisps (chips), chips (french fries), chocolate and cheese!! these are my all time favourite things - and giving them up, while it would be harder to give up my CREDIT CARD - will benefit my health, and hopefully reduce my intake of them when lents over.

    Of course being irish - we get a day off in the middle for St. Patrick's Day - can you say 'chips with cheese'!!!

    Good luck!!

    I failed on the booze front last year - epically

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  2. I always figured...if ever I were to give something up for Lent, or any other reason, which ultimately seems more likely, I'd give up something I don't like about myself, but that I'm stuck being "right about" some trait or habit...try to become a better person. I'd try to give up arguing about something, that typically causes discord or reacting in frustration/anger about something that is commonplace.

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