Thursday, February 23, 2012

It Feels Good To Not Be A Cheater

I feel like I've fallen into frequent episodes of mild cheating.

I think it's ok to cheat, to reward myself, to give into my cravings. The problem is the frequency. When I cheat over and over during one day - even "mild" cheating can end up with the caloric amount similar to an extra full course meal.

I tend to not do things in small amounts so I've got to be hypervigilant about not going overboard. Yesterday, I went from eating three large helpings of watermelon that I later figured out had been sugared to improve the taste, to eating 25 M&M's that I metistically counted out 10 at a time, to half of an amazing cupcake.

Doing one of any of those would have been ok. It's the frequency that's the problem for me.

Today,I've gone the whole day without cheating. No candy, no portion control problems, no trying to sneak around behind my own back. (Which I gotta tell you, really doesn't work for me.).

I feel in control. Not like food is in control.

By spring break the first week of April, I want to comfortably be under 210. This SHOULDN'T be a problem as its only one or two pounds. But it is a hurdle. Especially when I have a pattern of self-sabotage any time I reach 211.

And then I want to be below 200 when school gets out on May 25th.

Those are my goals. To meet them, I have to remember my new vocabulary of very un-Jenn like words.
Vigilance
Determination
Consciousness
Mindful
Choice

I wish I could tattoo these words on my face so I'd see them every time I looked in the mirror (which, like any good princess, I do a lot.)

Or maybe I could just use Post-its.

Yay, me,for having a WHOLE day of good choices. Now, if the scale would just say 211 again tomorrow.

Love,
Hopeful Jenn

4 comments:

  1. Your honesty in this journey continues to inspire all of us.

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  2. I'd suggest post-its until you're REALLY SURE about the face tattoos.
    MB

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  3. I have had yo yo weight for 30 years...can't ever seem to stablize. But I think the whole problem with "dieting" is that while I am trying to lose weight I think about food all the time...planning what I am going to eat...shopping for it and reading all the labels, then cooking and then finally trying to enjoy it at reasonable proportions etc...then on to the same scenario for the next meal/day. I think just the fact that you have to do so much thinking...that it makes you want to eat more...simpley because you are always thinking about food. Wish I could take a pill 3 x a day and be done with it!

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