Sunday, February 19, 2012

Why I Need To Blog

I am one sneaky little person.

(OK. Well, not 'little'.)

I always think I can sneak by myself and do things without me finding out.

I guess that only makes sense if you're in Jennyland.

Yesterday was Exhaustion Saturday at the theater, meaning that we were going to be there all day for the first rehearsal with lights, sound effects, and costumes. There was a potluck.

There was a POTLUCK.

If I had blogged a plan...... well, I would have been more likely to HAVE a plan if I'd blogged one. Right?

As I was, I got off on the wrong mindful eating foot by stopping to get a breakfast burrito on my way to rehearsal because I was running late.

I have had one other breakfast burrito in the last four months and that one I just ate the insides in a bowl.

This one....... Well, I didn't have a bowl. Does that justify me eating the W.H.O.L.E thing?

At 1:30, we broke for the potluck. Without thought, without planning, without consciousness, without willpower - I ate green chili chicken enchiladas, pasta salad, a taquito, guacamole, a cream puff ("gluten-free" but I don't guess that matters since I can eat gluten), and about eight amazingly wonderful homemade molasses cookies. And some of that stuff, I ate two helpings.

And I have to be honest. I wasn't unconscious. I was talking to my fellow blogger, B, about eating unconsciously the whole time I was consciously eating unconsciously.

(Again, that sentence makes sense only in Jennyland.)

B said, "You're just going to have to write today off." And I did.

After eight and a half hours at the community theater, I left to go immediately to the high school auditorium to watch the ballet, Dracula.

At 9:45 P.M., Donna and I went to Sonic for supper - five hours later than I'm used to eating supper. Surprisingly (after the day I had), I just got a grilled chicken sandwich and a diet limeade.

The WONDERFUL, GIFT-FROM-GOD, NEW BEHAVIOR, I-CAN'T-BELIEVE-I-DID-THIS-RIGHT thing is that, today, I'm back to conscious, mindful behavior.

That really is amazing for me. Historically, I am a "Well-I-screwed-this-shit-up-so-I-might-as-well-just-blow-the-whole-thing-off" kind of person.

I DIDN'T DO THAT.

Cool, right?????

This morning, I was up from 211 to 214 but it's OK. I'm OK. If I can't get through days of making mistakes, I will never ever be successful.

Mistakes are part of it.

I can do this.

Love,
Jenn

4 comments:

  1. Proud of you for getting right back to it. You are doing amazing. Yes, mistakes or poor choices are a part of life and not the end of the journey. Keep it up and don't beat yourself up for a day that went wrong. You have months to celebrate!

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  2. Hey Jenn! I was reading some blogs online and I stumbled on your page. I read a couple posts and I wanted to congratulate you for trying your best! Mistakes are meant to be made and learned, so keep going!!! -Tish

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  3. I hear ya. I had a pizza issue Friday night. You are doing an amazing job. I'm inspired by your persaverance. Love ya, Di

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  4. Hey Jen, good job! You looked great the other day when I saw you at the UU church. I've lost quite a bit of weight too at this point...starting to feel pretty good. Keep it up!

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