Sunday, March 25, 2012

207~ Our Visit Was So Brief, Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow, Boy Did I Ever Fuck Up, and All That Shit

I was 207. FOR A DAY. ;-( In the past, 207 has been like a trampoline to me. I touch 207 and BOOIINNGGG!, I go right back up. Thursday, the day I was 207, I went out and had talapia, a baked potato with lots of ketchup, buttery vegetables, a few chips, and four bowls of salsa. The next day (yesterday), I went out and had four beers mixed with V8 juice, a copious amount of chips, four bowls of salsa, the world's greasiest steak tacos, and ketchup. This morning, I weighed 211.5 and felt like I had so much sodium in my body I could probably shake salt out of all my body orifices. I closely watched what went in my body today. I've only drank water and unsweetened iced tea. I've eaten a Subway turkey sandwich and chips, a Sonic grilled chicken sandwich without mayo, a half a bag of apple slices, and nearly a whole bag of sugar snap peas. I had an awareness of how my difficulty dealing with disappointment (princessism at it's finest) risks my healthy eating. I had a big idea of moving my kitchen door to the dining room and my dining room door to the kitchen. Without going into detail, let me just say that exchanging those two doors would brighten up my dining room, keep my kitchen floor cleaner, make better use of my back patio, and make an expensive yard renovation unnecessary. I was so excited about moving the doors and (of course) wanted to move them NOW. So Nina and I got our tools out, we got the hinges undone and awkwardly carried the doors to their new doorways. Then we realized that the hinges didn't line up correctly and it was going to mean somehow getting the hinge hardware off the doors and the doorjambs. Even that didn't stop us. We went to the hardware store and got hinges - not realizing until we got home that we had only gotten one hinge per door. At that point in time, we realized we'd also need new door knobs and weather striping. After much very un-pretty princess pouting about not getting what-I-want-when-I-want-it, Nina and I moved the heavy doors back where they belonged and reinserted the hinge pins. I was bummed. Then, I had Nina spent over 45 minutes with SuddenLink Internet Services trying to get our new and improved internet to work. The end result was me being unable to take off work for them to come fix it, so us telling SuddenLink "never mind", we'd probably go back to Comcast. (Another disappointment.) I cheered myself up by thinking about going out to dinner, enjoying a relaxing meal before going to the movie, but alas, the two restaurants we wanted to eat at were closed, leaving us with high fat, fast food choices. That's how we ended up at Sonic for dinner. I wanted a footlong chili cheese coney, fries, sweet potato tots, a strawberry shake, and a Oreo Sonic Blast. I wanted to binge. I wanted to feed my disappointment. By the Grace of God, I remembered that when I feed the physical hunger - even with healthy food, I find relief. And that's what happened - the dry grilled chicken sandwich soothed the physical and emotional hunger. Thank God. Then, I had the emotional energy to go to the grocery store and get apple slices and fresh sugar snap peas to eat at the movie. Nina and I had a wonderful evening secretively eating apples and peas while watching the Hunger Games. Emotional food binge avoided. And two new thoughts that I hope turn into commitments. I think I should stay away from sodas and alcohol until I get below 200. OK. DING! I made it into a commitment.
No Alcohol. No Soda. Until 199 or below.
I can do that. Love, Imperfect and fuck-up, but with renewed dedication, Jenny


  1. Well, alcohol has been my downfall since i started out on my weight loss journey. I don't drink everyday, though, only on Fridays. Fridays are my date nights and we usually end up drinking so i haven't been able to completely stay away. I'm happy for you that you've at least set a goal for yourself, it shows just how determined you are.

  2. Hi. I'm 18yrs and I weigh 203lbs. Because I'm in college and I have lectures I don't have much time for real exercise. I do walk to class every day not only to save money on transport but to get in a little exercise. Do you know anyways I could lose more weight without the exercise?