Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Too Busy To Blog

May 4, 2012

Ohhhhhhhhh, that is such a red flag......

In my week of being too busy to blog, I have NOT been too busy to eat.  This morning, I was up from 204 to 207.

I can't lose sight of this now.

The last week has been full hurriedness, fretfulness, frustration, anger, joy, a few tears, anticipation, dread, worry.....

In my life, there is a direct correlation between the number of emotions experienced and the number of times my hand goes up to my mouth. 

I'm at the point right now where I don't even feel like I can put words into a complete sentence, much less blog.  But I have to do something to center myself again.

Here's what's happening....
* Nina is home for the the next six weeks.  It's wonderful having my daughter home but I'm aware that I eat much differently when she is here.  She is a great cook and enjoys making meals and eating together.  I'm probably eating better now that she's home.  For example, the other night she grilled steaks and topped them with sauteed onions, grilled fresh asparagus, baked potatoes.  I'm sure I eat more when she's here.  My refrigerator is more full than it has been since last August!

Nina is one of those people who basically eats all day, snacks all night and remains a Size 6.  We have totally different body types.  I need to remember that I can't eat like her!!

* The 8th graders at the Middle School are undergoing a transition somewhat akin to the transformation from human to werewolf.  We have two and a half weeks of school left and they are D.O.N.E.  The girls are more histrionic that usual; the boys are more full of testosterone and are strutting their stuff.  This week, every day as soon as the dismissal bell rings, I have been getting in my car and slowly trolling up and down the street between the middle school and the low-income apartments on fight alert.  For reals.  I don't want anyone to get hurt and that seems to be the most testosterone-loaded area of town.

* My enchantment with the local community theater has also undergone a transformation.  I'm working on the stage crew for a production that opens tonight and runs for three weekends.


*********************************************************************************
May 9, 2012

And there I stopped and got back involved in my "busy-ness".

I'm still at 207.  But I really have let life get in the way of blogging.

In other words, I've let life get in the way of writing about life......?

I've got mixed feelings about that.  I believe that living life is more important than documenting it.  Because when I'm documenting it, I'm not actively involved in life.  It's just like, when my kids were younger,  I felt it was more important to interact with them than it was to take videos of them interacting while I was behind the camera.  

But the last eight months have taught me that I have to blog.  Not because I have something important to say......  Not because I want to grow in my writing abilities.....  Not so you can read it......

But because, for some reason, blogging centers me.  It's like wiggling my butt into a comfortable, stable position in a chair, straightening my back, facing forward, closing my mouth, folding my hands, and paying attention.  To who I want to be. 

It's the difference between this........................................................

...................... and this.










Or this......................................................














Both of which I frequently look like.


"I have been too busy to blog." 

But I haven't been too busy to Facebook.  Or Pinterest.  Or drink a glass of wine.  Or text my friends.  Or read my book.  Or go to Sonic. 

Let's just get real honest here ..... OK, Jenny?

You've made choices to do other things rather than what you know helps you make good decisions about food. 

It's OK.  You can start again r-i-g-h-t   n-o-w. 

If I'm not centered, what am I?

Cockeyed?
Askew?
Crooked?
Lopsided?
Twisted?
Bent?

Hmmmmm, maybe those are just different words for what I call "living life with my eyes closed", "unconscious", "fat".

I'm not going there again. 
* I signed up for a free month at Curves.  I'm going for the first time tonight.
* I'm going to commit to blogging every day for the next week.  You don't have to read it.  But I have to write it.

That's all I can commit to right at this moment.  But it's a start.

Love,
Opening-my-eyes-again-Jenn


3 comments:

  1. Make you a poster and post it at least 4 places in your house....fridge
    room
    bathroom
    front door.

    I need to:

    a reminder of sorts til you refocus.
    summer is hard
    less clothes to hid in
    more fun food
    swimsuits
    lazy days

    so focus!!!! summer is to long to throw in the towel! And this is not becasue of Nina///control your eating.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good idea, Jill! I will make posters tomorrow at work.

    Oops.. Shouldn't have said that out loud.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey Jenn, It's a tough time of year for those of us losing weight. Crazy schedule and all!

    ReplyDelete