......... and I did tonight. :-(
It's funny. Today before I blogged, the phrase self-imposed exile kept going through my head. I started to blog about that but then I thought -there's really nothing to say except for the fact that I only went to work and to home last night, and because of that, I did good.
What happened today kind of came out of left field. (I love it when I use baseball imagery since I know absolutely nothing about it!)
After work today, we had a staff meeting. Right at the end of it, someone passed me a note that said "Let's go to Gabriel's". For those of you out-of-towners, Gabriel's is a wonderful Mexican restaurant between Santa Fe and Los Alamos. It has it all - great food, wonderful margaritas, a beautiful patio, guacamole made at your table, lots of ambience. I love it there. I immediately said 'yes' and was finished with one margarita, guacamole, chips and salsa before I R.E.M.E.M.B.E.R.E.D.
Who I am.
How I'm trying to be.
What I need to do.
And by the time I remembered, it was too late. I had already ordered another margarita, a shredded beef enchilada, and a bean and cheese burrito.
Wait a minute. It wasn't 'too late'. I just chose to blow it off tonight. Let's try to stay honest, Jenny.
I will be back in a conscious, vigilant state tomorrow but I really do need to look at how to not eat my party mood. Because, let's face it. That was basically the problem this summer. It was one long party where I over-indulged.
Self-imposed exile is not the answer - though I do think it might work. My problem is that I couldn't do self-imposed exile any more than I could do 7th grade math. Both are concepts far beyond me.
I've got to learn to honor that part of me that loves to be with people and loves to be in a state of celebration - just about life. I just need to know how to do it without having a celebration in my mouth. That's what a year of blogging has circled - without touching on an answer. That's the whole "Jenny" thing, I think. Embracing the playful, fun, celebratory part of me without letting it take over.
It's all food for thought.
(AND WHAT IN THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?)