Monday, August 27, 2012

Sometimes

218.5 on my scales this morning. 

Sometimes, I want to read through my old blog posts and see when I hit 218 on my trip from 244 down to 204.  But I think I would find that depressing.  And I've had enough of that. 

So instead, I'm just going to focus on the fact that, today, I can write 218.5 rather than 221.... or 244. 

Sometimes, it's hard to be grateful for what you have when you used to have so much more.  (Or so much less, in this case.) 

Wow.   That statement brings up lots of stuff. 

Sometimes, when I'm in a negative place (which, thank the Lord, I don't get into very often), I think about all I had in my other life.   The one where I was married and had a 3600 square foot house and a hot tub and a camper and money to buy basically whatever I wanted.  Oh, and a husband. 

Sad to say, but it's the husband part that I miss the least. 

Sometimes, I think that if I had that house and hot tub and camper and money I would be happy and I wouldn't eat my feelings like I do.

Then I have to remind myself that I was fat then.  Even fatter.  And that telling myself anything different is just hogwash and pulling the wool over my own eyes.

Today, I feel somewhat centered.  Other than pulling the wool over my own eyes.  My house is in order, my office is in order.  It's important to me to have things orderly around me so I can be orderly on the inside. 

Whoa.  Never knew that.

I need to stop blogging/facebooking now and make myself something to eat before I get too hungry.

I think I'm back on track.

And I told you I was going to blog every day.  I didn't tell you that it would be interesting.  ;-)

Love you,
Jenn




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