Saturday, September 22, 2012

Edginess

I have a need to be edgy.  Not edgy like agitated or anxious.  Edgy like .............  well, this is the problem.  I don't know how to explain it!

Time out while I google edgy.

OK. 
This is what Urban Dictionary says but it doesn't really fit.
Applied to books, music, or even haircuts which tend to challenge societal norms and reveal the dark side. Cutting edge.
1-pushing the envelope
2- to be way out there
This is what Free Dictionary says but it doesn't really fit.
Daring, provocative, or trend-setting
This is what Merriam-Webster dictionary says.  Maybe we're getting closer.
having a bold, provocative, or unconventional quality

What it feel like on my insides is this:
I now have short, short hair.  Hair that I associate with being middle age old.  I DO NOT mean to insinuate to my friends with short hair that they look old.  It's just MY thing - not yours, not society's, not anyone else's.

It's like in Jennyland, only old people wear short hair. 

Well, you know in Jennyland, most things do not make a whollota sense.  And that's how we spell whole lot of there. 

When I think of short hair, I think of my mother's friends.  I think of Elma Dobbs, Felicia Deaton, and Joyce Arterburn.  Safe, stable, dependable, consistent, structured, predictable people.

Hmmmm,  just realized that, though I recognize that those qualities are majorly important and necessary for psychological health, I don't want to be stuck in those qualities.

They are comforting.  But kind of boring.  They're UNedgy. 

What is it that I want?

In my case, is edgy just another word for attention-seeking?

Is edgy a symptom of my need to not be seen as old (which unfortunately, is another word for "my age")?

My feelings about getting old..... being old...... getting to get to be old..... are a whole different blog.  I don't want to go there right now.

Back to edginess.  I think this is where my mind is going.  Again, MY mind (not reality).

Let's try some ole 'flow of consciousness' writing.  (When all else fails, use therapy tools on yourself.)  Here goes......



I associate "pretty" with long hair I think I come closest to "pretty" when I have long hair I don't have long hair now, so I need to be edgy because I don't want to be predictable, consistent, structured, or old.  

Whoa.  I think that's it.  I really like my short hair right now but I think I've got to see myself as edgy because, without long hair, I don't see myself as pretty.

So, today where my thoughts have been going has been ---

---- I need to get my ears pierced more  (already have four earrings in one ear and two earrings in the
      other).
---- I need the top of my hair to look spikey.
---- I need really edgy clothes.  Well, not too edgy.  My friend, Dianne, is the only person I know that
      can get by with super edgy clothes.  I need fiftyeightyearoldfatwomanedgy clothes. 
---- I need a neck lift.
---- I need funky jewelry.  Not BIG jewelry (which I don't like) but dainty, funky jewelry.  Can
      something be both dainty and funky??????
---- I need to get my tattoo finished.  Whoever heard of a flesh-colored Texas. 

I can guarandamntee ya that if I lived in a place where you could go get your ears pierced (other than the doctor's office), I would have gotten them pierced today. 

I need to remember that edgy is mainly an attitude.  Am I edgy?  I'm definitely sometimes the anxious/agitated/crazy kind of edgy.  But am I the other kind? 

Maybe I can start wearing a safety pin in my lip. 

Love,
UnsureaboutherdegreeofedginessJenny



6 comments:

  1. Get your hair spiked and highlighted purple...now that's edgy!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wait till I get back out there, sista!!! We'll be edgy again together and then some!! This is the second half of our lives and we deserve to enjoy it to the fullest, no excuses, no apologies, no need for anyone's permission or acceptance!!! <3 you!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. We'll find an "Edgy Jen" look...dontcha worry! Yeah, need to do the tattoo. We should somehow plan a trip up to Oregon to see my artist and get work done!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Is there no tattoo shop in your town? They could pierce your ears.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, Elizabeth. We have no tattoo shop here. Have to go to Santa Fe for tattoos or piercings.

      Delete