Desire: What exactly do you want?
Defense: How are you prepared for the temptations that are bound to come your way?
Dedication: How hard are you willing to work?
Determination: How long are you willing to keep working?
Decision-Making: Are you willing to take total responsibility for the choices you make?
I'm thinking that I would like to ask myself these questions daily - kind of like a morning meditation. And I would like to answer them very specifically with what I'm thinking about at the time.
Like.... right now, my answers are:
Desire: What exactly do I want? I want to be able to easily get up and down off the floor. I want to weigh under 200.
Defense: How am I prepared for the temptations that are bound to come my way tomorrow? Tomorrow is a normal day with no specific food challenges. I'll have oatmeal for breakfast, chicken stew and veggies for lunch, Subway for dinner, and blueberries for dessert.
Dedication: How hard am I willing to work? This is an interesting questions to me because I think I'm willing to work hard - but the fact is that I haven't exercised ANY since trying to find my way back to sane eating. I've made a commitment to myself to rejoin Curves. I will go and do that tomorrow after work.
Determination: How long am I willing to keep working? For this question, I have to go back to lessons learned in Twelve Step programs. I am determined to stick to my plan tomorrow. One day at a time. When I think about the possibility of always having to be so diligent, I think "oh, never mind! It's not worth it!" But I can do it just for tomorrow. I can do anything for one day.
Decision-Making: Am I willing to take total responsibility for the choices I make tomorrow? I do recognize that I am the only person who controls what and how much goes into my mouth. I alone am responsible for the choices I make. Well, I believe me and God. God, if I let Him. I have to remember what I once knew and blogged about. The fact that my success is made of hundreds of little decisions I make throughout the day. Decisions not just about what goes into my mouth but about how I feel, how I react, where I go, what I look at, what I read, who I talk to, what I do, how I spend my time........ All those little decisions do, in fact, affect how I eat. Because how I eat is a snapshot of how I live my life.
Whoa. That's an interesting statement that came out of my fingers without conscious thought.
"How I eat is a snapshot of how I live my life."
What does that mean?
Ways I eat:
sometimes what the fuck
sometimes who cares
sometimes with abandon
sometimes with guilt and shame
sometimes because I think if I don't something must be wrong with me
sometimes without thought
sometimes in boredom
sometimes in celebration
That kind of threw me for a loop. Gotta think about it more.
What do you think?
Jenny the Ponderer