Thursday, October 4, 2012

Going To Fat Camp

Ohhhh, not really, but it's a fantasy of mine.....

I envision a fat camp weight loss resort on the beaches of Maui.  I would stay in a little grass hut.  It would look so quaint and..... islandy..... on the outside but would have all the comforts of home - well, a really rich person's home - on the inside.  A hot jacuzzi tub, a king size canopy bed with luscious linens, ceiling fans gently blowing my hair as I relax in a vibrating recliner and await a handsome room service attendant who will bring me fresh fruit, lean meats, and lots of ketchup.  After lunching, I would go outside for a walk through the trees, pulling oranges, lemons, and grapefruits off the trees and eating them as I walk.  I would come upon a lush, green ..... watermelon patch ..... where, to my amazement, the watermelons were not only seedless, but ice cold and already cut into bite-size morsels.  After my short walk (where I don't even get out of breath or work up a sweat but inexplicably lose 80 pounds), I turn somersaults and stand on my hands in a huge, warm swimming pool that overlooks the ocean.  I play in the pool for hours and enjoy talking to all the people because they are all fatter than me and have thinner hair but are very, very interesting.  And kind.  They like me!  My handsome room attendant serves me wine and non-smelly cheese (IhopeIhopeIhopeIhope it's Velveeta) while I float around in one of those fancy-smancy floaties that has a place for your drink.  I discover a lazy river - not a real river with fish and mud and all sorts of creepy crawlers - but a chlorine-clean concrete lazy river to float the afternoon away.  I dine with friends in a lively nightclub where there are all sorts of strange people to watch and talk about.  I eat steak and grilled shrimp and baked potatoes and chicken fried steak and gravy and enchiladas and ketchup and watermelon and chips and salsa and pinto beans and chocolate pie (surprisingly fresh for being made by Aunt Annie, the best chocolate pie maker, who has been dead for 17 years), and homemade banana ice cream.  

I end my day at fat camp knowing that, in addition to losing 80 pounds and being really relaxed, my knee has healed, my hair has gotten thicker, longer, and turned brown again, my wrinkles have disappeared, my teeth have whitened (and a tooth has grown in the toothless space that shows when I smile), and the little bald spots in my eyebrows have filled in. 


This weekend - actually beginning in two hours - I'm gonna have my real (and low) life version of fat camp.

I'm going to the Best Western Pecos Inn in Artesia, New Mexico for the next four nights.  I'm taking Moe, my nearly fourteen year old decrepit/blind/deaf dog, and Donna, my older, deafer yet skinnier friend, with me.   Donna has to work there.  Poor, poor Donna.

I'm going to swim in the swimming pool, veg in the hot tub, take Moe on long, brisk short, slow walks, watch TV in the workout room, eat healthy Trader Joe's food, drink healthy (and cheap) Trader Joe's wine, read, watch movies, facebook, and blog.  I'm going to relax.  I'm going to be silly.  I'm going to sleep.  I'm going to have fun. 

I probably won't lose 80 pounds (ya think?) and I'm pretty sure a tooth is not gonna grow in my toothless spot - but who knows?  And I do have some hope about the bald eyebrows.

In truth, I'm hoping that I can eat healthy, move freely, and make conscious decisions this weekend.  I can make it what I want it to be.  I need to remind myself not to feed the momentary impulses but to remember what and who I want to be a week from now, a month from now, a year from now, a decade from now. 

I'll write you from my grass cabana while dipping my toes in the Pacific. 



  1. Jenn I have one thing to say! WRITE A BOOK!!!!!
    Love you!

  2. As usual I love your blogg. You write what I think and feel. I also am hopingto spend the weekend making wise choices. What I really love is the little quote at the bottom. I am going to type that up and put it on my bathroom mirror to remind me that to acheive rhe things I want out of life is going to take determination and work on my part.