Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Thanksgiving Skirmish 2012, Day One. Sad, Sad, Sad.

I'm so sad right now.  You probably got that from the title.

Today, a Los Alamos mother has lost her son.  The son was on my caseload last year.  I worked with him and with his mom - who was driving the car.  He was an only child.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.  I don't care who that offends.  A middle school girl was also in the car.   She is in the hospital right now - as well as the mom and driver of the other vehicle.

Why? Why? Why?  This is fucking Thanksgiving.

I know I'm just focused on the horridness of this right now and not on the big picture.  I know that I'm not remembering what I BELIEVE  - even if others disagree with me - that everything, absolutely everything is just the way it is supposed to be right at this moment.  BUT WHY???????

I'm being my mother.  I'm sitting up here in the woods with Donna drinking red wine until my fingers are numb.  (As they are now.)  I'm being my mom because I'm dealing with this by drinking.  I don't care.


  1. I love you...don't be so hard on yourself; of course you are sad and angry.

  2. Jenn, I'm sad for you - it's so tragic when something like this happens.

  3. God sucks. Just try to ease the pain he inflicts on the world and dump all the negativity onto God the sadist until he is dead.

    ...a God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad ones;

    who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one;

    who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short;

    who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it;

    who gave his angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body;

    who mouths justice, and invented hell--mouths mercy, and invented hell--mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell;

    who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself;

    who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself;

    and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave to worship him!” --Mark Twain--

  4. I'm not a fatalist so the answer to all of this's a fucking accident due to the disorderliness of the world.

    I appreciate the Twain quote above given what my family has dealt with.

    Lisa B