Friday, February 1, 2013

With Every 'Goodbye', There Is A 'Hello'

The girls came to tell me goodbye today.

And of course, we took pictures.....

Aren't they beautiful???????


Last night after blogging, I decided that I’d had my time feeling sad about Jen and the girls moving and that it was time to start focusing on the next time I will see them. 

Which will happen to be at this lake.


OK, so it’s not the most beautiful lake in the world.  It’s in Eastern New Mexico.  Which, in my Texas brain, is the same as West Texas.  It's gorgeous for being an WestTexasEasternNewMexico lake!  And it has those Texas sunsets..........  Even though it officially belongs to New Mexico

(eye roll)

And it’s not that far away.  Less than four hours.  On. the. way. to. Lubbock. 

I decided that the day I said Goodbye to the girls should be the day that I say Hello to recommitment to who I want to be.  

To be really honest, in the who-I-want-to-be area, I’ve been totally lost since Doak died on December 11th.

I’ve had six weeks of not being who I want to be.  Feeding my sadness, feeding my happiness, feeding my anger, celebrating with food, grieving with food, handling boredom with food...... 

It’s been six weeks in a basic feeding frenzy, with small glimpses of sane eating that quickly get swallowed up (hah!  play on words) by frenetic feeding. 

The visualization that comes to mind is that of a drowning person who periodically comes up for air.  For a moment, she thinks she’s going to be OK.  But then the water overpowers her again and she goes under. 

My hope is that the drowning person I have made it to shore right now.  Or at least to a place of calm water where I can find my footing and get my balance. 

Here’s the steps that I’ve taken so far:
* I went and rejoined Curves.  They are closed on Fridays so I couldn’t actually exercise but I have rejoined.  I will go in the morning before my weekly breakfast party.  

* I made a wonderful nutriblast breakfast drink!  

 It was made of two big handfuls of "field greens" salad, a banana, half a cup of blueberries, a cup of strawberries, and a fourth of a cup of flaxseed.   It was kind of a funky color but tasted good - like bananas!

And it only had TWO Weight Watcher points!

I'm hoping that if I can start out my morning with that, I'll be more focused about what I put in my mouth for the rest of the day.

* I returned to drinking water today.  Once again, I can't tell you the last time I drank a glass of actual water until today.  

* I logged in my food into my Weight Watchers online diary.  Haven't done that since the day before I went to see Doak in December.  

* I logged my weight.  I'd really like to not have to tell y'all what it's gotten up to.  But, that wouldn't be me being accountable (and blabbery).  I weighed.............................

220

Shit.  

OWN IT, JENNIFER!

220

It's OK.  I'm OK.

So, here's the plan for the weekend:
Nina will be here.  Tonight, we'll go out to eat.  If we go to Subway, I'll eat my usual.  If we go to
DeColores, I'll have a bowl of beans and a salad.  
Tomorrow, is my usual breakfast party.  I'll have a nutriblast before I go and just have coffee.  I'm kind of tired of Coffee Booth breakfast choices anyway.
Sunday is the Super Bowl.  I'm glad I'm not going to a party.  Going to a party right now would be like that drowning person finally getting a foothold and being expected to immediately jump out of the water and run a mile.  
Nope.  No Super Bowl party.  Luckily, I'll have Nina, my bestest weight loss champion, with me.  

I'm going to say it  
I'm going to believe it.
I'mmmmmmmm Baaaccccckkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!     
Love,
Jenn of the Gray Hair and Increasing Body

P.S.  I'm gonna float in the dang lake this summer with NO EMBARRASSMENT, NO SHAME, and NO TIPPING THE FLOATIE OVER because of weight!

   

2 comments:

  1. Good luck to you! I enjoy reading your blog and wish you much success. Believe in yourself!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, you have the stress from the last play over as well, which should help. I know you'll miss those girls, but you have lots of friends to do things with as well.

    ReplyDelete