Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Starting Over. Again. I Hope.

Here I am after a long hiatus of not blogging, not dieting, not making conscious decisions, not thinking.
Lots of stuff has been going on:
* I close on a new house a week from tomorrow.
* I haven't spent money (or at least my own money) in over a month in preparation of moving.
* I have been grieving about leaving my current house - a feeling that came unexpectedly.
* I had the mother of all garage sales.
* I packed all my glasses, cups, coffee pot, paper towels, and most of my clothes.
* I've been drinking out of a bowl.
* I planned to close this week but then had to postpone closing until next week.
* I decided to restart my private psychotherapy practice to make some extra money.
   Yes, that's right.  I'm going to be a PSYCHO therapist again.
* The play I worked on won a local competition and is now going to Lafayette, Louisiana.
* I had my 6-month oncology check-up but the doctor had to cancel at the last minute.
* I shaved my legs for that.
* I lost my online diet challenge and subsequently, lost $50.
* My hair has been getting grayer.
* My legs have been getting hairier.
* I have been getting fatter.
* I have spent much time in the dark scary forest in my mind.
* I have worried.
* I have fretted.
* I have obsessed.
* I have hypochondriacized. And made up new words.
* I joined Curves.
* I went to Curves.   For awhile.
* I have become a connoisseur of virgin bloody marys - but I haven't drank alcohol since the
   Infamous Thanksgiving From Hell.

I need to find myself.
No. That's not right.
I know where I am.
I need to ACKNOWLEDGE myself.  

I have to give up this faulty idea that I have that it's OK to feed my feelings and my belly and my hips until I move into the new house.  

I don't need to eat until I move.  

That part of me that's so scared and jicky right now needs to calm the F down.

And....... Abracadabra!  It is SO.  

Love,
Jenn

2 comments:

  1. At least you know what you are doing.....any PSYCHO therapist who is worth anything will know that awareness is huge. oh, and breathing.... keep breathing. Endure, forget, and move on. But what do I know. I am only the PSYCHO part of PSYCHO therapist.

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  2. You have a way of making things work. You dream big and get it done. This move is such a positive but even positve change is stressful. In June, when you are lounging at the pool between grateful clients, you will be looking back to the chaos of this move. You said this will be you last home perhaps. It is a great place for you to entertain and enjoy life without pulling your knee up and down all those stairs. There are so many things to look forward to, to be thankful for, and to pat yourself on the back for. Love you.

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