Monday, April 22, 2013

Here I Am. Again. Again.. Again...

I have to say that I feel embarrassed to even blog about weight again.  Because.... I have to start over.  Again.

I have a little Jenny sitting on each shoulder.  One is saying "You're shit. You screw it up every time.  You shouldn't even try.  Just eat." 

The other Jenny is more forgiving.  She is saying "It's OK if you have to start over and over and over and over.  It's not starting over that is the problem." 

I choose to listen to her.
I choose to blog. 

As I blog, I'm watching reruns of Weeds.  A Jewish rabbi said to Nancy, "You get endless chances".  I realized that is how this path of trying to be a better, skinnier, healthier me is.  No matter how many times I stray off the path, I can always go back. 

So here I am.  Head held high.  Kind of. 

This time last year, I weighed 204.  Today, I weighed 220. 

And that was before the banana cream pie shake with peanut butter at Sonic. 

But I'm going to try.  Again.  Every day, I read blogs of real people who have really and truly lost weight. 

I want to be one of those people. 

The first thing I have to do is ......

start over.


1 comment:

  1. I am in pretty much the same place. I was 156 pounds a year ago. Today I am 181. I was so pleased with myself for getting to 156. I hadn't been there since I was a teenager. It felt awesome and I really quite liked how I looked. One year on and I feel awful and hate how I look. I started to try and get my head in the right place and it took me a few weeks! I kick-started yesterday and like you find inspiration in reading the blogs of those who have done it and won. I also like reading of those who are in it right now.