Tuesday, June 4, 2013

A Forced Blog

In bed, about to turn off the light, and I remembered I hadn't blogged.   I really feel its necessary to stay accountable and mindful.  
Today was a day of conscious choices, even though my choice for lunch wasn't a good one.  It was still something that I CONSCIOUSLY chose.  That is success to me.
At my swimming pool, the snack bar serves "gator burgers" - made by 9th graders that I've known since they were in 2nd grade.   They are truly the best burgers I've ever eaten.  Meat, bacon, cheese, guacamole, and green chili.  And ketchup - lots of ketchup.  They are incredibly messy and just amazing.   I chose - consciously - to have one.  I also chose to have carrots with it instead of chips.
It's nice to be in charge of the choices I make.   Of course, we always are.  But if we have an addiction, frequently the addiction makes the choice rather than our heart.  Today, Jenn 1, compulsive overeating 0.  
After my exploration of Pinterest for weight loss ideas, I explored my iPhone for cool, free weight loss apps.  I found some I really like.
And I'll tell you about then tomorrow.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Weight Loss Things From Pinterest

If you search "weight loss" on Pinterest, you will mainly find pictures of really scrawny women and people that are so muscular that they look deformed.  

But you also find these items:

I can feel a Hobby Lobby trip coming on.  I'm going to do this.  Jen Tuggle did it and  ----   Jen?  Did it help??   (I think I know the answer but it's worth a try.)

Now, I want to believe this one.  But I don't buy the curvy part.  Maybe at one point in my life, I was curvy.  But now it's just flabby.  And somehow "Flabby Goddess" just doesn't have the same ring to it.  Ya know?  But I am excited about exploring this website.

I need to remember these Ten Commandments.  Especially #3!

This is how I've exercised today.  I flew off the handle at Nina.   I dodged the responsibility of feeding the animals, knowing that Nina would do it if I didn't.  That was worth NEGATIVE 300 calories - because I would have used some calories if I had gotten up to do it.  I've jumped to conclusions with Tyler.  I've carried my frustration at Nina too far.  And have you ever noticed how HEAVY frustration is??  So that was lots of calories.    And I don't want to admit this but I know it on a heart level:  Every day that I choose not to take care of myself by what I put in my body and how I use my body, I'm pushing my luck.  

I LOVE this.  It's why I've decided tonight to focus on self-forgiveness rather than portion control.  Lovelovelove it.

I like this one and seriously may do something like this (but kinder) on my frig.  The problem is that my frig is not where I go to overeat.  It's out in the car.  

This one I identify with.  Just wish I looked like her from the hair on down.


I Ate The Whole Thing....

..... and I'm HAPPY!

I was really hungry today.  So while I was at the pool, I ate a whole cantaloupe.  200 calories.  That's all.

Then at supper, I ate a whole spaghetti squash.  165 calories.  For the whole thing.

Who knew I could get full on so few calories!  Of course, I had Ragu sauce on the spaghetti squash - but it was still so much better than the mountain of spaghetti that I would normally eat.

And I LIKED it.  I'd never had spaghetti squash in place of pasta but I think I can do that from now on!  The thing I like about spaghetti is the Ragu sauce.  And no, I never make my own.  

And of course I like Ragu.  It's ketchupy!

Now, I don't want to eat the way I ate today.  Skinny eaters don't eat a WHOLE cantaloupe.  They eat a couple of slices.  Skinny eaters don't eat a WHOLE spaghetti squash.  They eat a cupful.

Massive quantities is my boogey man.  Portion control is like a foreign language.

But tonight the language I'm trying to learn is self-forgiveness.  I'll work on portion control tomorrow.


Sunday, June 2, 2013

Nearly June 3rd

Acting as if........

Since I changed the name of my blog, I want to start living my life as a healthy, skinny person - not as "an even fatter girl".  My friend, Karen, came up with the affirmation of saying, "I have no interest in food these days."

I like that.  I want that to be my reality.  Skinny eaters don't seem to have a lot of interest in food.  I watch my daughter, Nina.  She'll eat if it's there food in front of her.  She'll get something to eat if she's hungry.  But she doesn't O.B.S.E.S.S. about food.  She doesn't plan, scheme, negotiate, wonder, manipulate, hoard........ all those ugly words and ugly actions that I associate with my relationship with food.

I believe that when I lost the 40 pounds last year, I did it because of mindfulness.  I worked at staying emotionally conscious of what I ate, what I felt, and what I did.

Since I lost my way a while back, I've tried all sorts of things other than mindfulness.  I've tried Weight Watchers again.  I've rejoined Curves.  I've paid money to Dietbet (and lost).  I've tried to be gluten free.  Nothing last more than a week or two because the one thing I wasn't doing was being mindful.

I think that's so important in my case.  I don't do well with structure, diets, exercise plans.......  One part of me puts myself on a structured program, and the other part of me IMMEDIATELY starts sabotaging the plan.  It's very much like having an angel and a devil on each shoulder.  Except in my case, it's Felix and Oscar from the Odd Couple.  The Felix in me sets up these plans and makes these rules and the Oscar in me rolls his eyes and says, "Screw that".

I am the healthiest if I just focus on mindfulness.  Blogging helps me focus on that.  Notice how my blogging has been so sporadic lately?  So has my emotional consciousness.

So now, I'm trying to go back to just being present in my own life.  Paying attention.  Not denying myself any certain foods but listening to what I want and need.

And using affirmations.  So, I going to use 'I have no interest in food these days'.  I'm going to make myself say that out loud to people a couple of times a day.  In fact, I'm about to go over to Barb's and tell her that.  She will look at me askew.

I'm also trying to 'act as if' in how I move.  I'm really not into moving much right now.  My knee has gotten worse and every step is uncomfortable - some more than others.  I am going to the chiropractor and, in July, I'm actually going to a knee specialist in Albuquerque.  But until then..... I'm going to m.o.v.e.

Today, Nina and I took a hike.  And I spent the afternoon at the pool - not doing swim strokes - but at least paddling around and turning somersaults.

It was a more active day that I usually live.

That was nice.

So, I have no interest in food these days.....


Saturday, June 1, 2013

Nearly June 2nd

And I made it through June 1st.

Even with going to a restaurant.

A lesson learned......
I ate with friends at a restaurant that has lots of things I love - chicken fried steak, green chili scalloped potatoes, meatloaf, Texas chili.... and I ordered a turkey burger and a salad.   Then I filled my Bubba cup with iced coffee and went to the pool.

Do you know what a Bubba cup is?
Here's one.
They are big honkers.  Drinking one full of iced coffee on a hot afternoon at the swimming pool on the day that you start a diet is not smart.

After we left the pool, Nina and I went to the grocery store and I was soooooooo hungry that I was shaking like a leaf due to low blood sugar.  I ended up taking a granola bar out of a box in our cart and going to the car to eat it while Nina did the rest of the shopping.

I don't think that I was really so hungry but it was the combination of less food, lots of caffeine, hot sun, and swimming exercise that got me all out of whack.

Bubba cups should be filled with water.  Not coffee.

Tomorrow is the Cowboy Breakfast at the Posse Shack and then a evening church picnic.

I can do that.

One day Skinnier Jennifer