I need to tell you that I have to start over. Again.
But I guess that as long as I keep starting over, I'll be OK. It's the giving up and never starting over that gets people into trouble.
Whatever I had from September 2011 to July 2012, I've had a hard time getting a grasp of since.
It's weird. It's like I had motivation - or maybe more like motivation had me. I didn't really feel very in control of it. I was kind of running on motivation.
And then.... it left. It left last summer and I really haven't gotten a good hold on it since. There's been times I felt more or less motivated, but not the "Katie, bar the door, I'm gonna lose weight!" driven motivation that I had had.
I don't want to talk about this.... I certainly don't want to blog about this.... I just want to allude to weight gain in Facebook posts.
But that's not me. I need to be.....
..... all the words that don't describe me in the recent past.
So, with my head held high, I need to tell you that yesterday morning - after my eating tour of Texas - I weighed 237.5.
That's six and a half pounds less than I did in September 2011.
That. Just. Makes. Me. Sick.
But the above sentence isn't going to get me anywhere.
I just need to S-t-a-r-t O-v-e-r.
Pick up the pieces
Turn a new leaf
All the phrases you use after a major screw-up.
Here's what I'm doing:
1. I'm trying to follow these little Jenny-made guidelines:
* No sweets
* Ketchup only on weekends (I know, sounds weird... But you gotta know me..)
* No fried food
* No white bread
* Only one diet soda a day
* At least one BIG Bubba container of water a day
* Walk around the block at least one time every day
* Wear my new pedometer every day
* Sit on the floor every day (my goal - to sit comfortably on floor and get up like I used to)
* Blog at least one time per week
2. I'm trying to wear my knee brace so I can more comfortably move. I don't quite have a handle on the knee brace yet. It keeps falling off.
3. Do the physical therapy exercises I've been told to do three times a week.
4. Go to water aerobics on Monday and Wednesday afternoons.
5. Try to turn my sunroom into an exercise room.
6. And I'm trying to pay attention to what my physical therapist said yesterday. She talked to me at length about not biting off more than I can chew. Not going gung-ho into an exercise regime or a "diet" that I can only do for a couple of weeks before I blow it off. Yesterday was the first day I met this physical therapist. It's like she had my number right off the bat.
I'm also keeping track of the amount of pressure I lose on my knee as I lose weight. I was told that for every pound of weight, there are four pounds of pressure put on your knees.
So, according to my poor knee, I weighed 950 pounds yesterday.
Today, I was able to mark on my bedroom calendar a loss of 10 pressure pounds - because this morning I weighed 235.
I liked seeing that -10 on my calendar.
My knee especially liked it.
I read wonderful blogs about real people that have lost lots of weight - by diet and exercise. They are my heroes. I know that it can be done.
I'm not sure I can do it but I'm gonna keep trying.