Wednesday, April 24, 2013

MUSTBLOGMUSTBLOGMUSTBLOG!!!!!

This morning, I weighed 218.

But right now, I've been sitting on the couch munching on Kettle Cooked Jalapeno potato chips and salsa.
 (Nurdy was chewing on the whale.)

I could easily eat the whole bag. 

That's why I'm blogging.

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At that point, I got up and made a scrambled egg sandwich.  Not the best thing to eat, but not the worse.

And then I went to Curves.

Love,
Me

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

It's A New Day. Do I Want To Feel Good About It, Or Not?

I left work early today because I was supposed to work at the track meet.  However, as soon as I got to the track, I learned the meet was cancelled because of the weather.

So by 3:20, I was sitting in front of my TV watching Weeds.  That's where I still am - now that it's 4:35.

I don't want to get up and go to Curves.  I want to just sit here.

But......

I know me.  I know that if I choose to sit here, I'll be disappointed in myself.  I'll get to a low-key blah place.  Two, maybe three, steps up from self-hate.

So...... I'm not going to!

As soon as this episode is over, I'm going to Curves!

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As soon as the episode was over, I decided that I didn't pay good enough attention to the last 10 minutes of it so I watched that part again.

Talk about procrastination.

Just as I was about to get up and go, the boys came over bringing another piece of furniture from my old house.  So then I had make the bed, hang four pictures, and dawdle as much as possible.

BUT......

At 6:10, it hit me. 

I really have to make the decision for health.  For happiness.  For shorts.  For men.  For fitting into carnival rides.  For being able to walk.  For being able to touch my toes.  For seeing a weight under 200.  For all the things I long for.

As I've said before, thinking about doing something is not the same as doing it. 

I.  Have.  To.  Do.  It. 

So.  I went to Curves.  I worked out aerobically on the machines for 30 minutes and then did stretches for 13 minutes. 

And I like myself. 

Love,
Me

Monday, April 22, 2013

Here I Am. Again. Again.. Again...

I have to say that I feel embarrassed to even blog about weight again.  Because.... I have to start over.  Again.

I have a little Jenny sitting on each shoulder.  One is saying "You're shit. You screw it up every time.  You shouldn't even try.  Just eat." 

The other Jenny is more forgiving.  She is saying "It's OK if you have to start over and over and over and over.  It's not starting over that is the problem." 

I choose to listen to her.
I choose to blog. 

As I blog, I'm watching reruns of Weeds.  A Jewish rabbi said to Nancy, "You get endless chances".  I realized that is how this path of trying to be a better, skinnier, healthier me is.  No matter how many times I stray off the path, I can always go back. 

So here I am.  Head held high.  Kind of. 

This time last year, I weighed 204.  Today, I weighed 220. 

And that was before the banana cream pie shake with peanut butter at Sonic. 


But I'm going to try.  Again.  Every day, I read blogs of real people who have really and truly lost weight. 

I want to be one of those people. 

The first thing I have to do is ......

start over.


Love,
Jenn


Thursday, April 11, 2013

Puzzles

Lots of happenings since I last blogged.  I've moved into my new house.  Well, I should clarify - I've still got stuff at the old house and still have boxes in a car, but obviously it's not stuff I need because I can't for the life of me figure out what it is.

But that's not the puzzle.

Ive learned that putting out .......

Ahhhhh!  If you don't finish that sentence it makes you snort!

I've learned that putting out a jigsaw puzzle must be a integral part of my nesting behavior.   I typically put out..... (Snort!  There it is again!) a puzzle every Christmas season.   That's my favorite time of the year and I do major nesting then.  And decorating.

After five days of frantically/obsessively/psychotically unpacking boxes, tonight my new house was ready enough to sweep, vacuum, cook, and put out (a puzzle).

I have - what I call - a sunroom that is perfect for a puzzle.   It faces the west and gets beautiful afternoon sun.  Twilight is wonderful in the sunroom.  It's warm, peaceful, quiet.  It would be puzzle weather if there was such a thing.

But here's the weird part.

I am so NOT a jigsaw puzzle person.  I am not good at visualizing how shapes go together, I bore very easily, and I bore very easily.  I said that twice because that's really the problem with me and jigsaw puzzles.   If I could do them while going to Sonic and then driving around or if they made noises when you got a piece fitted to another (like the games on my phone) - I might be ok with puzzles.

I've decided that I'm a puzzle starter.   I like the process of pouring all the pieces out on the table, separating the straight-edge pieces from the others, and making little piles of pieces based on whatever appeals to me at the moment.   Tonight that happened to be pieces that were already stuck to another piece, pieces with writing on them, blue pieces, and gingham pieces.

After puzzle preparation. ( that I excel at), I like to just be a puzzle putter-together observer.  I like to sit around and talk and do Facebook and play Candy Crush on my phone while OTHER people put together the puzzle.  Luckily, I have some puzzle likers in my life.  Specifically, Nina and Donna.  Charlie was a puzzle person, too.  Or maybe that was just because I put them out and a pattern in our marriage was for me to start things and him to finish them.  

Puzzles, like numerous other activities in my life, are subject to that troublesome part of my personality that likes to start stuff but not finish stuff.
I started sour dough starter.  Charlie kept it alive for 20 years.
I bought house plants.  Charlie watered them weekly.
I've started enough craft projects to fill my new craft room.  Some I started 30 years ago!
I've started probably twice as many blogs as I've published. Most of them are in draft form.
I started this move with high (voiced) expectations of myself to go clean upy old house and get it ready to rent.   Not doing that today was a classic case of the Jenny-starting-but-not-finishing phenomena.

What can I say?  I didn't even follow though with putting out USING THE TERM IN THE REAL WAY!  I frequently got called a tease!

Maybe it's because I'm a Gemini.  I'm sure that's it.  Something totally out of my control.  ;-)

All I know if that I have a sunroom that was just asking for a jigsaw puzzle to be put out.
I have a table that now Nurdy has no interest in getting on because he has discovered that if he gets on the DINING table, he can watch whatever is happening on the street.  (Dinner at my house if you don't mind muddy paw prints on the table.)

And now, with a jigsaw puzzle out, my move feels pretty complete.

Love,
Gemini Jenny.