Right now, I feel proud of myself.
I (the big I) have been in control of eating today. Eating has not been in control of I. OK, me.
This morning, Barb and I had to go to McDonald's to get a breakfast meal for a student that I am rewarding for coming to school. Usually, if we go to McDonald's, I get a breakfast sandwich. Today, I was able to do something different. I got a 'big breakfast' of scrambled eggs, bacon, hash brown, and biscuit. I ate the eggs and bacon and saved my hash brown and biscuit for a student that I know that never has breakfast and is always hungry.
DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT is always so powerful. Sometimes just changing one thing can make you change your whole thought process and expectations of the day.
My mom used to tell newly sober people to do one thing different every day. She would tell them that sleeping on a different pillow, brushing your teeth with your other hand - things as mundane as that - could switch you into a mode of major change.
The older I get, the more brilliant I think my mom was.
For lunch, I had half a sandwich and a can of beets. That doesn't sound like much but the bread was huge - that's why I only made a half.
Now, I'm at rehearsal and will go to my friend's house for healthy dinner afterwards.
It feels good.
I also found new tool on my iphone. It's called CARROT.
It's a talking and hilariously shaming app that records your weight. When you input your height and weight, it develops a avatar for you. Here's mine. Standing and laying.
I think this is funny. I think it's an appropriate depiction of me. It IS me!!! That is really what my body looks like. (Except for the fact that I'm old so when I lie down, all the fat kind of slides off to the side.)
Anyway, I'm kind of obsessed with logging in every day. Today, my avatar was jumping up and down with happiness because I logged a one-pound loss. When you log a gain, it shames you. But, like I said, it's hilarious and not hurtful.
And you know what's really weird? I think my avatar is kind of cute - even though she is fat. I need to transfer that opinion to the real me.