Thursday, September 4, 2014

Suicidal Threats and Cupcakes

Sometimes being a middle school student sucks.
SUCKS.
SUCKS ROCKS!

So sometimes my job is emotionally difficult.

But, I have to say, my job is never as emotionally difficult as it is to be a middle schooler.

I have it easy.

Middle schoolers are dealing with hormones, social ineptitude, the expectation to "act like an adult" when they aren't, individuating from their parents, interest in (and it's evil sister, rejection by) the opposite sex, academic performance expectations (by others AND by self), loads of homework, daily extracurricular activities (sometimes by choice, sometimes not), "bullies", "mean girls", peer pressure, changes in their bodies and minds, self-disappointment and hate, and ambivalent friendships full of love, betrayal, and never knowing where they stand.

Don't you remember how painful it was?????????

Middle schoolers feel emotional pain with their whole body and soul.  They haven't yet developed the capacity to compartmentalize, analyze, ignore, or self-reassure.

So the pain of betrayal and rejection are monumental, life-sucking, THE-WORST-DAY-OF-YOUR-LIFE-bad.

It was that kind of day.

And then it passed.  The day started looking better.  The unsurmountable emotional mountain became passable.

The tears stopped.  Laughter came along with a sense of hope in tomorrow.


But watching someone in pain, trying to do what I could to take the pain away was soooooooooooo tiring..................................
Afterwards, I was wiped out.  Wiiiiiiiiiiiippppped out.

And there was a cupcake.

It's amazing how wonderful an orange-colored, store-bought cupcake can look when your internal emotional strength bucket is empty.

That cupcake looked like heaven.

But I left it.  I knew it wasn't really heaven.  It wouldn't taste like heaven.  And I definitely knew that it wouldn't make me feel heavenly.

If I had eaten that cupcake, I would have taken a huge step towards placing myself in the same level of emotional pain as a middle schooler on a sucky day.  Self-hate, disappointment, betrayal (by self) would take over.

SO.       I.       LEFT.         IT.  

Every time I am able to do that, I WIN!!!!!!!!!

Love,
Jenn


1 comment:

  1. I saw those cupcakes, too, and boy, did they ever look like heaven.

    ReplyDelete